Telephone calls. How could we get it so wrong!

 

Daily or weekly telephone calls were meant to provide children the opportunity to maintain a relationship with both parents by allowing them to remain in contact with one parent while in the custody of the other and vice versa. A safety net if you will.

 

Instead telephone calls have become horribly destructive and serve only to drive a wedge further and deeper between the parents, if that was even possible. With children being placed squarely in the middle of “no man’s land” during and after their parent’s divorce.

 

Telephone calls keep parents in constant turmoil, financially too, what with all of the fees to deal with correspondence between clients, their attorneys and to the other attorney. This only serves to aggravate, escalate and complicate all of the issues involved in the divorce. It also makes putting the divorce behind parents and moving on more difficult because there is no resolution on any level on any issue, including telephone calls.

 

Worse, is the fear that children feel if they disappoint one or both of their parents, who will love them, care for them if they are not wanted. This well intentioned act of telephone calls which on the surface seems so simple, is where it starts. It begins the process by which children are forced to choose, weigh, and consider their very survival. Again children do not understand these feelings. They only know that what they feel is real, overwhelming and frightening.

 

So much time, so much damage, so little return. Instead of parents saving money for their children’s college education, family vacations and building memories. Parents instead spend tremendous amount of time, emotions and money on this one issue alone.

 

Now replace that scenario with this one. Parents having uninterrupted custody time with their children free from telephone calls which are more harassment than anything else. Instead, both parents and I want to make sure the emphasis here is understood here is that both parents will be able to participate and schedule play activities, church, and vacations with their children or other activities when they have custody. A much safer/less crisis ridden scenario for the children too.

 

Wasn’t that the purpose of the divorce in the first place? The ability to parent different from the other parent? To give the children the best of what you had to offer, without the difficulties of the marriage?

 

Then do it! Regardless of whether you have a court order with specified days/hours for calls to occur you and your ex have the ability to make agreements outside the court order in whatever manner you feel is appropriate and in the best interest of the children, your family and your circumstances. Tough on parents initially at least, the parents will survive. The children may not.

 

Word of caution. Start off slowly. Begin conversations with short term agreements. One week both parents agree no telephone calls. Do this a few times, then consider extending the agreements to include two weeks no telephone calls and so on etc.

 

Also very important put all agreements in writing, with dates and expiration dates and signed by both parents. Even agreements that cover one incident, a late pick up or an change in custody dates should all be in writing.

 

This is to eliminate the he said/she said scenario and protect both parents. Will mistakes occur? Yes, definitely. Some errors will be intentional some will not. But you can start on this one issue and build into the other areas.

 

To obtain additional information and learn how Custody Calculations Divorce Coach and Custody Calculations Divorce Boot Camp can help you during your divorce contact us on our hot line for a free consultation 702-675-5120. With fees as low as $99.00 we have a plan to fit nearly any budget.

 

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4 thoughts on “Telephone calls. How could we get it so wrong!

  1. visionsx1

    Never considered the loyalty coflict a child might be place in having to please either parent at the expense of displeasing the other, because of phone communications with a parent.

    • custodycalculations

      It is gut wrenching watching what some parents are put through dealing with telephone calls. Then when I point out if this is what you are going though, imagine what your child/children are going through.

      Initially I was going to provide more details and may do so in a second article. Here is just one of the paragraphs I edited out with additional information:

      Even if the other parent is not listening in on the telephone call, not holding the phone, not recording the conversation, not coercing the children into practiced/specific conversations/statements to elicit a statement of frustration from the other parent which can then be recorded. Even if children don’t understand what they are saying/are unable to comprehend what they feel, they demonstrate their emotions in other ways. Bed wetting if they are very young. Problems at school with teachers, discipline issues, homework, tantrums, problems interacting with other children at home and school etc.

      PS. Thank you for “liking” our post too!

    • custodycalculations

      Many people are quite surprised and in some cases shocked by the information and impact that we provide on the many issues dealing with Family Law. Don’t forget to check out our newly launched series titled “Open Letter To The Family Law Court System”

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