This begins the second installment of Custody Calculations, Calendars & Orders, Divorce Moment, “An Open Letter to the Family Law Court System.”
We left off with this paragraph from the first installment;
Families don’t need less structure, less accountability, during divorce, they need more! More structure, more accountability. This is necessary so that families can stabilize, during what will surely be one of the most crucial and difficult periods of their lives, theirs and their children’s.
And now the second installment of “An Open Letter to the Family Law Court System;”
The courts don’t enforce court orders or punish parents when they violate court orders, withhold custody, take custody, return children late, hours, even days later.
The courts don’t punish a parent when the children are taken out of their home state, in violation of court order, change the dates of custody, during summer or winter vacations.
An issue that arises with what I call “open ended” court orders which is just an invitation to issues in high conflict divorces. Or when parents keep medications, clothing, school books, or take homework from the other parent.
The courts don’t punish parents for making inappropriate statements against the other parent or for name calling, even when we have the evidence. Or when a parent interfere or blocks the relationship with the other parent, keeps mail or doesn’t allow access to the children through telephone calls, even when specified in the court order to do so.
Or any number of actions that breakdown the relationship between the other parent and the children when they violate court orders.
Additional examples could be provided on custody, property and/or financial issues, such as non reimbursed medical fees, and late child support, but I believe the point has been made.
The result of all of these actions is that we are in effect, getting the very court system, that the courts and we have created.
A court system, driven not by the actions of parents, as argued and presented, but driven by the method and manner in which the courts rule! In essence, the problems are exactly what the courts have allowed, supported and encouraged when they did/do not enforce court orders, their own court orders, I might add. Not orders from a different court system.
Oh sure, we mouth the words and write the court orders, but there is no enforcement, no consequences, no nothing. And as stated previously, we all know it!
And no, yelling and waving of hands from the bench doesn’t count! So really, is it any surprise, that we have the problems we have in Family Law.
Further, perjury and disobedience which is so rampart in and out of our courtrooms, is the result of the same issue, lack of consequences, more than any other in Family Law.
The continuous and never ending merry go round of court dates, are also the result of the same issue. Some parents, wanting to stabilize, stop or reduce the chaos, continue to return to court, unable to comprehend the lack of accountability, lack of order and logic, and want to believe this time they can prevail and correct the prior injustice. Only to be failed by the system time and time again.
While other parents take advantage of continuous court dates to gain further advantages, when the other parent who is unequal in financial ability is worn out and unable to respond adequately.
On the court’s side of things, what began as acts of kindness has gone horribly wrong, as the standard method of ruling has been to dismiss parents from being held accountable for their actions.
By acting in this manner the courts have unintentionally become the architect of the destruction and devastation of the people they most sought to protect, children and families and finally the court process itself.
It was not the intention of the courts. But it is the result, none the less. What is the saying – – the road to destruction is paved with good intentions, or something to that effect.
Also, contrary to what many believe happens when a case drops off and doesn’t appear on the court docket, the term used to identify cases scheduled for court, the parents have not solved their problems.
They have merely given up on the courts and have taken it to the streets, to their children’s schools, to the hospital’s and emergency rooms. To social services and the police in every city and state, in this nation.
I also want to address specifically the issue of parents who knowingly file false allegations of child abuse, domestic abuse and other allegations, not valid allegations. But allegations filed by parents against the other in an attempt to gain an advantage in Family Law, with immunity from prosecution, no less!
All of these actions are breaking the back of the entire social structure of this country. Over extending services, that are already at the breaking point, especially social services.
With an ever increasing workload, there is little relief expected and no solution seen in the foreseeable future.
This concludes the second installment of Custody Calculations, Calendars & Orders, Divorce Moment, An Open Letter to the Family Law Court System.
Here are just a few phrases that are part of our next installment.
Family Law may be responsible for 25% of the crime in this country
What do I know about all of this?
A retired law enforcement officer, and now a Divorce Coach
Parents are vulnerable to a system that rewards bad behavior
This is Catherine MacWillie. I hope that you will join us next week for the third installment of Divorce Moment, “An Open Letter to the Family Law Court System.” Thank you.
To learn more about Custody Calculations, Calendars & Orders, visit us on our web site, CustodyCalculations.com or contact our hot line at 702-675-5120 for coaching services, or seminars, Custody Calculations Divorce Boot Camp at
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