An Open Letter To Family Law Court System (Installment 3)

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This begins the third installment of Custody Calculations, Calendars & Orders, Divorce Moment, “An Open Letter to the Family Law Court System.”

 We left off with this paragraph from the second installment;

The court system, is driven not by the actions of parents, as argued and presented, but driven by the method and manner in which the courts rule! In essence, the problems are exactly what the courts have allowed, supported and encouraged when they did/do not enforce court orders, their own court orders, I might add. Not orders from a different court system.

And now the third installment of “An Open Letter to the Family Law Court System;”

I doubt the courts are even aware that many states have been placing the names of parents in high conflict divorce cases on the  Suspected Child Abuse Index Registry. This occurs when the name of a parent(s) is placed on police reports for child abuse allegations. Regardless of the fact that no charges have been filed.

Creating another layer of impact to children and families. These scenarios to correct come at a great cost, emotionally and financially and are not always successful. Names remain on the list for ten years. An issue I am unable to address at this time due to current limitations.

The result is that everyone is being effected either directly or indirectly by the method and manner in which the courts rule. Including businesses, employers, banking and the financial community, mental health, Workman’s Comp etc.

The issues are far more invasive than,lets feel bad for people who marry the wrong person, have children with the wrong person and children who must cope with their parents divorce.

We cannot as a country afford to ignore this problem any longer due to the magnitude and scope of the impact.

My research reflects that Family Law may be responsible for 25% of the crime in this country. Homicides, suicides, kidnappings, domestic violence, child abuse, violation of court orders, violations of restraining orders, stalking and more.

To put just one of those numbers into perspective, that is approximately 3,600 – 4,000 homicides a year related to this issue.

Can I say this conclusively, that 25% is the correct percentage. No, it is a best guess if you will, because law enforcement does not track causative factors of crime. However, based on other factors, 25% may in fact be too conservative and the actual percentage much higher.

What do I know about all of this? A retired law enforcement officer, and now a divorce coach, my career in law enforcement spanned nearly 24 years during which I saw humanity at its best and at its worst. Many times dealing with Family Law.

I saw individuals pushed past endurance as victims and suspects. The impact, damage, and devastation, involving children, parents and others caught in the fray during divorce is appalling.

The line separating victim and suspect, so thin and frail at times, it could go either way with positions reversed, victim becomes suspect and suspect becomes victim.

Ultimately the difference was only the fear of consequences stopping them. Even then, it is often too late in many cases.

Because, as we all know, divorce results in terrible decisions, rash, emotional and impulse driven decisions, to the detriment of us all.

Put simply, when parents lack consequences they are unable to stop or rein in their behavior or prioritize the care of their children in the way they might have prior to their divorce under such loss.

Not because they don’t love their children, but because they are vulnerable to a system that rewards perjury, rewards bad behavior,rewards brutality and ruthlessness,rewards lawlessness.

In a war of winner takes all, and I do mean all, the system unintentionally encourages, and participates in the escalation of violence, violation of court orders, and other actions.

Sometimes this occurs as a result of one parent who attempts to change custody, increase custody, or take all custody, either immediately or over time. This only acts to encourage years of litigation, appeals, and chaos and staying in the game. The goal being that of reaching the magic number 14.

This is when custody can once again change if not before, based on what the child or children say who they want to live with. Putting children at great harm and risk, emotionally and physically. An issue which I will not address at this time.

Additionally, my experience both as a law enforcement officer and a divorce coach has typically been that one of the parents is finally backed into a corner and is forced to respond to the aggression of the other parent.

If only to survive and to stop the many actions filed against them so that they can parent the children without the harassment and intimidation of the other parent.

This often results in an incorrect assessment that each parent is as bad as the other, which is untrue.

Again an issue that if addressed at the beginning of the process instead of years later, would correct itself or be eliminated entirely if only we would hold parents accountable to their actions and to the court orders.

This concludes the third installment of Custody Calculations, Calendars & Orders, Divorce Moment, An Open Letter to the Family Law Court System.

Here are just a few phrases that are part of our next installment.

Urge the following action

 Need to stop making children the tie breaker!

 What message do you think we have been teaching children?

This is Catherine MacWillie. I hope that you will join us next week for the fourth installment of Divorce Moment, An Open Letter to the Family Law Court System. Thank you.

To learn more about us, go to our web site CustodyCalculations.com or call for a free consultation to learn how we can help you with our coaching and seminars services 702-675-5120.

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