Help My Monitor is Being Threatened by the Alienator!

Going to pass on a tip I received from Joan Kloth-Zanard from Pas Intervention. If you are involved in a heavily disputed custody case involving false child abuse allegations, parental alienation, emotional and legal abuse where the alienator has the upper hand you are likely going to be ordered to undergo supervised visitation. At some point if not several times during your case.

If the other parent has already threatened other involved parties around you it is likely they will threaten the monitor overseeing your visitations as well. Especially if it becomes clear the monitor can present evidence to the court of a loving relationship between you and the children. And obstruction, blocking and inappropriate behavior on the part of the alienator, the monitor will likely be threatened.

In fact monitors get threatened all of the time. Although this should be handled immediately by having the monitor contact the judge and disclosing the information, many monitors choose to back down from their prior positions of support of the targeted parent. It is that or face the thousands of dollars in fees to fight off false allegations themselves, license and career etc. Even if they prevail their reputation could still be damaged.

So, in protection of the monitor and the children consider having a third party present, unobserved and unknown to all ~ but yourself. An experienced private detective who has testified in court, such as a retired law enforcement officer would be your best. This as opposed to a friend or family member who would be “tainted” in the eyes of the court.

The private detective will also have the required equipment needed for this type of situation as well. If the alienator remains present for your visitation hiding behind trees, bushes and structures, you want photographs of that. If the alienator is calling the children on their cell phone talking to them during your visitations you want photographs of that too. If the alienator makes inappropriate statements to the children dropping off or picking up the children within earshot of the private detective you want that documented to present to the courts so they can make a more appropriate ruling in your custody.


Catherine MacWillie is the CEO of Custody Calculations and a Child Custody and Divorce Coach. She has 32 years experience dealing with Family Law. 24 years as a law enforcement officer responding to radio calls dealing with divorce and custody issues and a first responder to child abuse investigations in addition to other related assignments. She spent ten years researching Family Law and divorce including cause, effect, impact, solutions to the many issues that arise during divorce and custody proceedings. The last eight years as a Coach.

She is the past president of Stop Parental Alienation of Children. A prior board member of Parental Alienation Awareness Organization. An advisory board member of International Support Network of Alienated Families. A member of Parental Alienation Study Group. A member of the 2014 Parental Alienation Colloquium, Long Beach, California, 2016. A member of the Parental Alienation Think Tank, Beverly Hills, California.

In 2017 her research on divorce, crime and parental alienation will be presented in Prague, Czechoslovakia will be presented at the International Academy of Law and Mental Health (IALMH) a prestigious event with participants coming from around the globe to present.

For additional information go to or visit us on social media, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest,YouTube, Vimeo, or call 702-675-5120.


4 thoughts on “Help My Monitor is Being Threatened by the Alienator!

    • Custody Calculations

      Traci, Thank you for posting. The cost for hiring a private detective various by state, experience and extent of the services required. Investigative, photos, reports or testimony etc. I am unable to provide anything other than a general guide which can vary from $75.00 per hour for a less experienced private detective to $100.00 to $150.00 an hour for a medium to more experienced private detective. There are several private detectives on FB that you could reach out for a referral for your specific state and ask that they respond by PM on FB. This is to protect your privacy if your social media is being monitored by the other parent or persons acting on their behalf. You could also reach out to your state organizations for detectives and advertise for a retired law enforcement officer at a detective level for your case. Then quickly outline the high conflict case, need you to monitor my parenting time unknown to the monitor and the other parties for inappropriate behavior or statements and prepare a report.

  1. Fiona McCormick

    I am an ailianated Mother in the UK I have had No contact with my lovely children I love so much for 21 years now. I have been denied their entire Educational lives despite always having a copy of the children’s act stating a non custodial parent had a right to go to parent teacher evenings attend my children’s sports days and I have not had one picture in 21 years including school pictures. I have never ever been given a reason why despite writing to the British Head Education Committee the last time I wrote they sent a curt letter saying if I contacted them again they would Not reply.? I also went to my then British MP Richard Cabourn who did nothing at all to help. On every court paper it said I was a good mother. My children were doing well at school and had a nice home. Judge Goldsack based at Sheffield Combined Court UK made an order in September 1996 that I should never see or have contact with my children again because he tried to Bully me in court knowing I had No legal representation which was withdrawn the night before.My hearing. I tried to stand up for myself in court when first words to me were you are a bitter women when he had never met me or my children before which is untrue I am not a bitter mother because I wanted the Best for my children who had always lived with me. My ex could not hold a Job down and had No home at the time this went to court and had never supported us financially during the time we were together.I do not and never have suffered any kind of mental health problem. I do not like alcohol at all and never have. I have never ever smoked. They took my lovely Babies knowing I could never ever have another child. I feel like my children were kidnapped.which would otherwise carry a heffty Prison sentance. I still have a lot of questions I want answers to this case is never ever going away.

    • Custody Calculations

      Fiona, I am very sorry for what has happened to you, your children and so many other families similar to what you have posted in nearly every country of the world. Please, do not give up. Continue to prepare for the day when you might be reunited with them again. Every day more and more families are reunited through awareness on this terrible and devastating issue known as parental alienation by the public, the courts and professionals.

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